When we are angry, we need something to distract us from the guilt and soothe our hurting and frustrated ego. We need something to take away the pent up hostility and drain us of tension.
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Some people work off their hostility (which has its own problems). Many turn to booze, drugs, pills, marijuana, or food. You see, when we become angry and full of rage, we become an animal. The beautiful human qualities of graciousness, kindness, reasonableness, and magnanimity go out the window. In its place stands a hurting, inferior, rageful, resentful shell of a human, whose only relief is in escape and tension relief.
Some of us are even more sneaky about our anger. We are secretly judgmental and resentful at others (especially our husband or wife). Sometimes we are even clever at making the other wrong and then hating the other with a superior hate. It's easy to upset your husband with little teases, nagging, insinuation, or confusion. He eventually becomes angry and then you can secretly hate him, judging his anger and failing.
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Another example. It's easy to be cruel to our children by being impatient with them and blame them until they become angry and express their anger. Being without the advanced manipulative skill that the adult has, the child is foolish and clumsy in expressing his anger. This permits the parent to then accuse the child of being "bad" and dump on the child.
But the manipulative spouses or parents does not get away with their secret rage or cruel venting without hurting themselves, hurting the other person, and bringing problems on the family.
Moreover, their open or secret hostility and judgment or brings condemnation from conscience.
And conflict with conscience brings pain and a need for comfort. Again, the person turns for comfort to food , drugs, alcohol or anything else that will "save" them from conscience.
I am trying to make you aware that anger is the result of judgment, willfulness, and selfish egotism. While it is true that your spouse or coworkers may be imperfect, even irritating, but if you really had love, you would not resent them. The truly human person has patience. This patience comes from not having judged in the first place.
Someone once said that when we are wronged we ask for judgment. But when we wrong someone else, we ask for mercy. As long as you are angry or resentful, you won't even see your own rudeness and inconsideration toward others. You are too busy judging others to see your own fault.
Recovery from alcohol, drug, or food problems means seeing, really seeing why you needed the false comfort of drugs or the misuse of food. If you were not angry and upset in the first place, you would not need comfort and tension relief in the second place.
Some people work off their hostility (which has its own problems). Many turn to booze, drugs, pills, marijuana, or food. You see, when we become angry and full of rage, we become an animal. The beautiful human qualities of graciousness, kindness, reasonableness, and magnanimity go out the window. In its place stands a hurting, inferior, rageful, resentful shell of a human, whose only relief is in escape and tension relief.
Some of us are even more sneaky about our anger. We are secretly judgmental and resentful at others (especially our husband or wife). Sometimes we are even clever at making the other wrong and then hating the other with a superior hate. It's easy to upset your husband with little teases, nagging, insinuation, or confusion. He eventually becomes angry and then you can secretly hate him, judging his anger and failing.
.
Another example. It's easy to be cruel to our children by being impatient with them and blame them until they become angry and express their anger. Being without the advanced manipulative skill that the adult has, the child is foolish and clumsy in expressing his anger. This permits the parent to then accuse the child of being "bad" and dump on the child.
But the manipulative spouses or parents does not get away with their secret rage or cruel venting without hurting themselves, hurting the other person, and bringing problems on the family.
Moreover, their open or secret hostility and judgment or brings condemnation from conscience.
And conflict with conscience brings pain and a need for comfort. Again, the person turns for comfort to food , drugs, alcohol or anything else that will "save" them from conscience.
I am trying to make you aware that anger is the result of judgment, willfulness, and selfish egotism. While it is true that your spouse or coworkers may be imperfect, even irritating, but if you really had love, you would not resent them. The truly human person has patience. This patience comes from not having judged in the first place.
Someone once said that when we are wronged we ask for judgment. But when we wrong someone else, we ask for mercy. As long as you are angry or resentful, you won't even see your own rudeness and inconsideration toward others. You are too busy judging others to see your own fault.
Recovery from alcohol, drug, or food problems means seeing, really seeing why you needed the false comfort of drugs or the misuse of food. If you were not angry and upset in the first place, you would not need comfort and tension relief in the second place.
And if you did not form secret judgments in the first place, you would not become angry. If you were not playing God, and easily frustrated and angered when your will is not done, you would not become tense and needy of lowly comforts. Incidentally, the use of pornography is often contributed to by resentment and hostility, and the resulting need to get tension relief. . .
